When Will You Learn That Your Actions Have Consequences?

There is a lot of controversy about the correct way to parent. There are thousands of books on the topic, and there is a TV show called The Parent Test which is all about the best way to parent. People want to know how to parent and parent well. Logically, parents would want to be better than their parents were. However, there seems to be a colossal overcorrection in parenting that can be just as negative as the parenting tricks of the generation before us. Parents are concerned that they will pass along toxic or unhealthy traits to their children and are actively trying to avoid those same mistakes, which is admirable and a worthy cause. However, in doing so, parents have accidentally not parented their children, which leads to a self-entitled society.

One way parents have inadvertently hindered their children is by asking too much. Parents are trying to respect their children and their child's agency, but the problem with this is kids, especially young kids, still need to gain the skills for reasoning and learn how to weigh the pros and cons. We should not tell our kids everything to do, and we should not give them every decision to make. Instead, we need to find a middle ground to offer autonomy in situations that are not dangerous, do not affect others, or if the consequences are too far into the future to matter.

It boggles my mind how quickly kids pick up on things. They learn best from consequences. I would argue that I have never learned a lesson from a lecture outside my college classes. Please take a moment with me; think of a lesson you learned well as a kid. Have you got one? Did you learn this when you were being yelled at? Did you learn this when your parents lectured you while doing the exact opposite? The chances are slim. It is more likely that you learned it by making a decision, experiencing the consequences, and then reflecting on it with one or both of your parents.

It is experiential learning that helps us retain and keep hold of valuable information like how to treat people, the best way to minister, and not to sneak into your dad's office late at night. Whatever lessons you learned, you learned through consequences. There is a terrible misunderstanding in American culture. We associate consequences with punishments. That is not synonymous. Consequences can be positive or negative. Regardless, it is a valuable learning tool, and it is awful that we deprive our children of such a great learning opportunity.

Parenting can be intimidating, even more so if you do not have good examples. However, we have the best example, Heavenly Father. We can counsel with Him because they are His children too, and He knows much more about us, our children, and the situation. God does not rob us of the consequences of our actions. The consequences of obeying Him are eternal life and exaltation; on the other side, not obeying leads to an eternity separated from Him. If we need to learn from our actions, so do our children.