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Stress is inevitable, yet we do all we can to avoid it. Stress affects us individually, but more importantly, it affects our family. If handled poorly, it can tear a family apart. However, if coping skills are effective, they can bring your family closer and even make it stronger. If we want to build a resident family, we need to be aware of ineffective coping skills and, most importantly, effective coping skills.
One of the most popular forms of ineffective coping skills is denial. Only when it is temporary can denial be beneficial, but we are not going to discuss that. The problem happens when someone or the family tries to rationalize a severe problem.
Avoidance is one of those ineffective methods that I feel most of us gravitate towards. For some reason, we believe that if we ignore or don't acknowledge a crisis, it will just go away. I argue that has never worked in all of human history.
We tend to point the blame somewhere other than ourselves, which is scapegoating. Unhealthy coping mechanisms like this lead to poor decisions and a lack of progress. It hurts the family and cannot lead to success in dealing with stress.
Recognizing futile ways to cope is a positive first step, but most importantly, we need to develop healthy coping skills, especially as a family. I imagine that most of us would argue that we got closest and developed the best relationship with our family, friends, and Heavenly Father through the most stressful part of our lives. These events have a purpose, but if we do not do the work now to develop sound and healthy coping skills, we can let stress ruin our family. We will discuss only some ways to cope healthily, but we will discuss a few that we can begin implementing now.
First is taking responsibility. Rather than point fingers or pretend it doesn't exist, acknowledge the problem and don't play the victim game. My biological father was notorious for thinking the world was out to get him, and it didn't matter what he did because he was going to lose no matter what. His belief meant that it did not matter what we did as a family because my father was always the victim. It is not conducive to finding a solution and only worsens the situation. I can assure you right now, honey; the world does not care enough to ruin your life. Get over yourself. You have control over how you react, and a crisis can be the best thing that happens to your family if you are willing to plot a new course that allows your family to thrive in a less-than-ideal situation.
Another valuable tool is caring about others' well beings. It is important to care about your own, but by turning from yourself and towards the service of others, specifically your family, you can help in a much-needed time and create family bonds that will last throughout eternity. You will be able to build the family that you are promised in the temple sealing.
One of the most valuable pieces of advice you will ever hear from me is to keep your eye on Christ. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we know that all things will be used for our benefit. We can find comfort and solace in even the most devastating circumstances. We have unbelievable promises that come from following the commandments and remembering Christ. Instead of turning away from family or the church, turn towards Christ as a family, and you will build a resident family in Him who has already suffered all that you have.