Dating- It Has a Purpose

Ahhh… Dating… The bane of my existence.

Every time I go on a date or try to get to know a guy better, I become more convinced that I will die alone. Living in Rexburg and attending BYU-I-do has made me quietly aware that dating is boring and sucks. That should be the furthest thing from the truth. When I first arrived on campus, I met several married couples, which further convinced me that marriage was not for me. I remember asking myself, "Does this person even like their spouse? Do they even know them?" After a while, I had convinced myself that I was a cynic and over-reactive. Then I heard what husbands and wives say about each other behind their backs; I realized I was probably more accurate than I thought.

It is essential to get married, but it is equally important to marry the right person. At a university where everyone tries not to sin, people seem to bypass dating and head straight for an eternal covenant they have not prepared for. Dating is a time to get to know others, what you like, what you work well with, and eventually, to get to know your future spouse well enough to seal yourselves to one another and God. Yet, we have adopted unhealthy dating habits from the world, which has led to awful dating experiences at a church school. I can't tell you how many guys I have had to push away to keep from kissing—Bro, the least you could do is ask me on a date first.

One thing that we are in a bad habit of is hanging out. It is so rare that anyone—even couples—go on dates. They spend every possible minute together instead of trying to get to know one another. We don't put ourselves in different situations to see how the other acts. We don't try to learn anything about the other person outside their name, major, hometown, and how our semesters line up.

We have nothing planned; therefore, nothing to get excited about. If you are lucky enough to get asked out, you almost always go to a movie and dinner. That date is not creative; it gives you little opportunity to get to know the other person and almost guarantees an awkward doorway experience. How are we expected to get to know one another if we do the same thing every single time and talk nothing more about our days?

We set the expectations for marriage in the courtship phase, so if you want to know what your marriage will look like, look at how your dates go now. Men are primarily responsible for paying for and planning dates- I am super for this. Not just because I am broke but also because, if he is unwilling to try to impress me and have fun now, how will it look in our marriage?

Nevertheless, it can be difficult for guys to afford or come up with date ideas. My rule of thumb is that the guy can spend up to 20 dollars on our first date. I encourage him to be creative—like putting a different question on each playing card, and we have to answer them while playing Go Fish. Let's go hike R mountain and have a picnic at the top; it's super affordable and allows us to see how we act with one another when that is all we can do. Regardless of what we do, please, I beg, let me know so that I can dress accordingly. I do not want to hike an inactive volcano in heels.

Dating should be fun, and it should be a chance where we get to know people's character and who they want to be. Their hopes and dreams for the future. What fears do they have, and how do they face them? The way they treat their family, and more importantly, the way they treat you around their family. Date with the desire to get to know someone, and when you meet the person you want to spend eternity with—keep dating. It can't stop when you get engaged or married because that is a surefire way to guarantee an unhappy marriage.